Nov 6th, Late Evening

Today was interesting.

I didn't get a lot of path stuff done. I did the morning pages but that's about it. No water purification (like I had been doing), no meditation, no card pull. I'll probably do the card pull when I'm done writing this.

I did some small bit of organization of book files, but nothing of actual writing.

I felt like crap half the day. Just randomly getting angry or upset with others' behavior, and my own. PMS starting to kick at me? My week had been excellent up til today.

Let's see. In home room I was rudely manhandled by my home room teacher during the Pledge of Allegiance. Every morning they play the National Anthem and have the Pledge afterward. I always (when I'm in home room) stand respectfully and be silent, and usually do some sort of "prayer" or quick meditation, often on patriotic-themed topics, but I don't actually speak the Pledge or place my hand over my heart. Today I spent the time in thought on the Fort Hood incident. Interrupting my thoughts, my home room teacher decided she would take it upon herself to lift my arm to "where it should be".
I said nothing to her. Then I spent my time in the library, before sitting down to do my morning pages, typing up a letter to her, explaining why I don't say the Pledge or make the gesture and that my reasons for not doing so are valid and that I'm actually in love with this country, especially our military. I went into a lot of stuff, like how my parents were both Marines and how I at one time was seriously considering enlistment in the Navy, and how I see the Pledge as an oath I don't deserve to take.
I printed it, signed it, tri-folded it, stuck it in an envelope, and put it in her mailbox in the main office.
I haven't talked to her since then. I await Monday nervously. I'm afraid that writing that letter was a mistake, that she will be angry with me. My logical brain kicks in and asks me why that would be so bad. "What can she really do?" Well, nothing, but she's not a terrible person and I would rather she didn't see me badly. I don't know how to feel, but I guess what's done is done, right?

I got a hundred on my calculus test. That's the second hundred this week. I think I wrapped up the first quarter quite damn nicely.

My younger friend asked me for sex advice today. I think of her as part little sister, part younger cousin, so that was weird and awkward.

I drove again. My mother was yelling at me like a lunatic. I did fairly terrible. Didn't hit anything, so that was good.

I finally got my application for Penn State sent in. I'm 93% certain they're going to accept me, but I know I'm still going to await their response nervously.

I'm nervous about tomorrow, a little. I'm taking the SAT again. Last time I got a 1970 (R+W+M, 1280 R+M), so I'm trying to get over a 2000, and/or over a 1300 (R+M). The highest you can get is 800 in each of three sections: reading, writing, and math. Some count the reading and math as more important, and so only want to know the total of those two, and up until a couple years ago it was only those two. My current score was actually better than my valedictorian's, but I wanna break 2000/1300, because that would just be awesome. (Sure, it's no 2400/1600, but perfection is for robots, not Taylor.)

So that was my day. Eugh.

Apology

When newspapers print something that is later found to be incorrect, they print an apology piece, detailing what they printed that was wrong and the correct information on the subject. Usually they print apologies for incorrect dates or misspellings, but sometimes also for printing misinformation, when such a thing happens.

So I'm going to apologize for "printing" misinformation.
As far as I am aware, when I wrote my previous post with the bit about the Ft. Hood incident, it had been published via CNN's website that "they" believed the gunman to be dead. However they have since told us that he is not dead, but only wounded.

I am sorry about posting information prematurely and I will definitely stop and wait for all the facts the next time I post about current events.

Now back to your regularly scheduled life.

Sometimes, everyone can use a little GLORIA

Because this is something that might come up quite a lot over the course of this, well, course, I thought I'd take some time to explain a little about my Gloria.

In my path, one creates a mental personification of their "inner self," or in other words, their subconscious mind. Mine takes the form of a woman, who looks about 19-23, with long black hair, blue eyes, and larger breasts than I have.
On one hand, I named her Gloria after the character sung about in Green Day's newest album. On the other hand, she named herself with her own firey gusto. Like the character I/she/we pilfered the name from, she's a one-woman riot, a lover and a fighter, a perfect balance of warrior spirit and hippie ethic. Did I say perfect? She's far from it, and she knows it - and that's what makes her real. I know I'm never going to be perfect, she knows I'm never going to be perfect, so perfection is a silly goal. Gloria herself? She's something I can strive to become, and probably even succeed.
After all, she is me.

If we wanna bring some more music into is (and why the hell not?), I am s/he as you are s/he as you are me and we are all together.
Right?

Nov 5th, Evening

All things considered, today was a pretty good day for me.
I wanted to wake up earlier than normal and get my morning pages done then... That didn't happen, lol. I did get up earlier than I have been (7:03 as opposed to 7:19) but not as early as I'd've liked (like 6ish) and not early enough to do the pages and my morning stuff.
In fact... I didn't get them done until almost noon. -.- Bad Taylor! I know. But you can't expect my first day to be perfect, can you? I did rather marvelously, though, thanks to some nice kinks in my class schedule. (Two substitute teachers, which meant no work in those classes, and a test, which meant free time after.)
I sorted out the binder that I'll be using for a paper journal and the likes. (Not my morning pages - they go in a separate notebook and get paper clipped to the cover after I write them.) I already had the binder all made up nice and pretty.
I have five dividers that are transluscent, and to put right behind the dividers for each section I had drawn a representation of each element (a big fire, a river, some trees, a sun behind clouds, and a candle reflected in a dark mirror) on a piece of loose-leaf, then colored a piece of tracing paper with Sharpies in the same pattern. The first section (which is the fire) I'm putting notes in from the SpiritsCast 101 shows and notes - right now I have a page listing different things under the four headings of "Light, Listening, Expressing, and Offering," a page with the eight practices outlined in the first 101, and a checklist of the "what you'll need" things. The second section (water) is divination notes. The third (trees/earth) is for journalling, separate of the morning pages. The fourth (sun and clouds/air) is spells and songs - because I am a lyricist and I believe that both have power. The last section (the candle and mirror/spirit) is for "Ritual and Ritual Notes".
Getting everything organized like this makes me all excited and giddy. (I feel like such a nerd, but I'm fine with that, lol!)
I also did the divination deal today. I used a deck of playing cards that I've been randomly divining with for a few months, and wrote down results and thoughts and so on in my divination notes section. I'm using playing cards for a few different reasons.
One, I discovered last night, my Tarot deck is missing several cards and I have no friggin' clue where they are. I wouldn't feel right using a deck missing cards. If it was only one it might be different, but there are about six or seven cards missing. I'm sad cause I've had that deck for a pretty long time, as far as things I own go.
Two, I find using playing cards to be a little bit easier, in terms of me remembering meanings of them. Tarot and/or Oracle decks might be easier in figuring out, what with having descriptive pictures, but the simplicity of the playing cards works best for me.
Three, I really love the way these cards shuffle. They're 100% plastic, which means I can shuffle them the "easy" way with no bending, ripping, or sliptting. Hell yeah!
Four, I am unemployed. So I have to make due with what I have and cannot go buy new pretty Tarot or Oracle decks that I might enjoy more visually. Oh well.
And throughout all of this I still managed to write part of another section for my book and get the files on that sorted out all nice and pretty on my kick-ass 8 gig Fort Libinum stick.
(...I name my storage space. The 8 gig SD card that acts as a storage expansion for my Acer is called Fort Talis and the 1 gig SD card I use in my MP3 player to put podcasts on used to be called Fort Tivium. My C drive is named Savilumia. I have no idea where any of these names came from, they just pop into my head and I type them in the "Device Name" box. Libinum is used for my book files, school work, and SpiritsCast notes.)
AND hang out with the hubby.
Damn, I'm amazing!
Seriously switching gears: if I may ask everyone to take a moment for the thirteen (and possibly more) lives lost today at Ft. Hood. At least eleven of these people were soldiers, including the gunman himself. Some are speculating that a lack of proper psychiatric care for PTSD may have been a factor in the gunman's actions, and possibly the almost constant stream of deployment that seems to be habit in America's current military engagement. All are agreeing that this was a tragedy.
As an American, I consider every one of these soldiers heroes. As one on a warrior's path, I consider them brothers and sisters.
Please take a moment, say a prayer, light a candle, or simply meditate on your own country's military forces, what they contribute, and what they sacrifice in service to their country.
Thank you.

Nov 4th, Late Evening

I'm beginning my system tomorrow morning, starting with the "morning pages" I've just finished reading up on.
Meantime, I'm dead tired. G'night, all.